The Fight Has Gone Out Of Me
May 6th 2008 01:12
The Fight Has Gone Out Of Me - God never leaves a job undone is another way of saying it, but who would have guessed it would have happened to a bloke like him.
Billy looked around at his friends from the alleys and lane ways of the docklands of Australia’s worse docklands area in over one hundred years. He looked up at them with faint amusement, not really knowing what to say or do: Billy was the proclaimed leader of this rag tail, jerry built, glum lot. They came from every where and were numbered about one hundred of the worst type of thieves pick pockets, robbers, murderers, prostitutes, doll men, rapists and liars in Melbourne. If it was not nailed down or owned securely it was lifted any way they could get it. Crane Emery was a long necked wading sort of a fellow, tall and thin, with shoulder length untidy rusty brown hair, blue eyed devil. He was Billy double man, and every one could rely absolutely on him for anything dealing with information from any source. Cow-leech Miller had spent most of his time on the farms of out back New South Wales as did his parents before him, but with his restless ways he wondered into crime just as he finished his doctorate degree in cow husbandry. His was a case of mistaken identity, over the chief surgeons daughter. So he fled the city life and ended up in Billy’s gang and became a very dangerous man indeed. Crambo Watson was Billy’s woman from the moment he found her abandoned on the pier at West Swanson dock ten years earlier (she was just eleven years old at the time). She had a nack of hearing a word or a name of a city and straight away she could put a tune or rhyme to it with in seconds, but she also helped get a lot of young girls for the gangs boys to be their women as well. And in turn they became great pick pockets and forgers. Billy himself was an educated young man before he took to crime due to a severe streak of hatred against God and anything to do with that God thing. He had been a good fitter and turner when a fight with his foreman and boss placed him in front of the police and the courts at twenty one, in which he had stabbed them almost to death in what he described as self defence: But he had already sized them up for a fight the year before because they were self professing Christians and he hated any one connected with God. The judges agreed with the eye witness reports that he had instigated every thing over a long period of time and was sentenced eleven years prison for attempted murder. When he came out he went to work on the docks and was immediately received into their midst readily enough and soon he had seen the advantages of setting up a ring of ‘Lifters” from the docks and from there it was not long before other crimes were on the cards for the lot of them. He was known for putting on a good ‘Foy’ for his gang after a rich haul had netted them thousands of dollars a Lift. Over the years he was seldom caught and always had an alibi for where he was on each occasion of a Lift.
The local mafia left him alone for about ten years, but as his gang grew they became very much interested in having a percentage of his takes. Which caused him no ends of fights with their toughs. One such was ‘Fougasse’ the Italian, who was well known for setting up small cave-in’s and landslides from gun powder charges. He was most famous for his dirty fighting with any kind of weapon. The night they met for a show down it was a rainy cold Melbourne wintry night, out side the Seaman’s Mission. They ahd been looking for each other for three days and then just as they turned the corner of the building they bumped into each other and instantly it was on.
Knives came out and flashed in the night. Both were severely injured with ‘Fougasse’ dying seven days later; leaving Billy with three stab wounds and cuts across his chest, left leg, and hip, and arm. It was a close call, but Billy survived to be the victor.
Several of these fights over the next seventeen years had left Billy with several scars on his body and with quite a lot of stitches as well. But most of all the toll was telling on Billy and he knew it. But he could not quit either and so he went on and eventually the booze began to take a hold on him in his mid forties, and by the time he was fifty, he knew he was licked. No one needed to tell him he was finished as far as the booze was concerned. His once shrewd and calculating mind had begun to falter and his heart for the game had recently deserted him. He was lost, beat and helpless and he couldn’t tell anyone; his once great skill for being the ‘Parget’ over locker and cover man, and his skill with a rope or chain, known around the docks as a ‘Parral’ for preventing yards and gaffs from slipping from the mast by various yeoman’s knots was legendry had slowly left him as the years marched on. He could hang a man or a dog or a bird on the wing in seconds with his skills: But no longer.
This night he was alone, in his squat with just his memories. Every one else was on the town and doing the rounds, and keeping to themselves for fear that the topic of succession for Billy might spill from some ones lips accidentally; and put every thing out in the open for all to see. And no one wanted to do that; not to Billy. But every one knew it had to come out sooner or later, but how. Billy closed his windows and drew the curtains across them one more time, as the fear in him mounted. His legs were trembling constantly now and his hands and chin shook uncontrollably and his eyes were growing wilder with fear with each mounting second. What could he do, and how could he pull himself together. As midnight approached he fell into a panic which nothing could pull him out of, even if they were with him, which no one was. He was ringing wet with sweat as midnight came and went. He was flat on his back on the floor next to the couch twitching with every muscle. The electric fleas had hit him with a vengeance, and the room twirled around and around and had turned into a black hole before his eyes into which he was being sucked into with every second. His time had truly come and he knew it.
As he entered the black hole he gave up the ghost, and breathed his last breath, and died. And as his body entered into death his soul flew out of the black hole and cried out unto heaven “God help me, I can’t go on, I need help.”In an instant there came a reply from out of the deep, out of the shadow of death. Many voices cried out to him “Its o.k. your alright, and you are here with us, and it is alright,” but his soul cried out “Shut up – If there is such a thing as God, then he is the only one I want to hear,” but those voices from out of the shadow of death grew and grew in number and in loudness “Your alright now, you need not go on, you can stay with us, and we welcome you,” but again his soul cried out “shut up – if there is some one called God then his voice is the only one I want to hear,” but he was challenged a third time and again a third time he said “shut up –the only voice I want to hear is God’s.” Then a strong and firm voice )not loud though, spoke out to him, from out side of the darkness of death “I am here, here I am,” but he was scared and he cried out “shut up – the only voice I want to hear is God’s,” and again the voice of God said “Here I am, I am here,” and a third time he said “shut up – the only voice I want to hear is God’s,” and then in an instant he felt the presence of God next to him in the darkness and his spoke to Billy saying “I am here, here I am,” and Billy suddenly felt alright and he reached out and took the hand of God and was brought out of the shadow of death and into heaven and there he was fitted with a new body and was brought before the presence of God, for a reckoning. He stood before God with fear and trembling and God showed him all of his old life and then asked him “What have you to say for your self?” and then he knew he was on the matt and being judged and that he was guilty of having committed every crime under heaven against God and His Word and against every living thing upon the earth. What could he say, he was guilty as charged and he knew it, nor could he invent any kind of a lie, because even that would have been known to God before he even thought of trying to do so.
What could he say, was on his mind even as he knew he was guilty as charged, and as he was about to say so to God, God asked him “If you could go back and repair the damage of the past, would you want to?”…he was asked this question three times and each time he knew it was hopeless and useless to even consider such a thing, and on the third time he was questioned he suddenly thought to himself ‘if I could go back and repair the damage of the past would I want to?’ and the answer came to him with a sudden “Yes, I would want to” but it is too late for I am on the matt and being judged and was guilty of every crime under heaven. As he turned to God with his answer in his heart, and soul, he turned to God and said “I am guilty of having committed every crime under heaven and thou can do with me as thou wilt, it is alright with me.”
Suddenly he was back in his room in his body next to the couch, and the night had turned into day; early morning in fact was now dawning upon the early morning sky. As he went down stairs and into his back yard he stepped from the shadow of the building, and into the sunlight of the day, and as he so stepped he was suddenly caught and frozen as a stone mason statue as his feet were moulded into the ground solid. Then from out of heaven came a pouring out of a heavenly water which was poured into to him, which filled him fully from head to foot. It was a living water which both refreshed and renewed the body and spirit at the same time.
As seven o’ clock came around the gang dropped by to see how he was, never ever thinking that he was going to be better than alright. It was Crambo his woman who arrived first, found him in a collapsed heap next to the clothes line, fearing the worst had happened to him. And it was she who dragged him to the door step, when Crane and Cow-leech arrived to help her carry him in to the house and into bed. He was in bed two weeks in and out of consciousness, never really knowing who or what he was let alone what was happening to him and as to what had happened to him. On the fifteen day he came out of his shock and was just trying to sit up in bed when Crane walked in to see how he was, and helped him to sit up better in the bed, high up against the bed’s back board.
He was so weak and listless, that even Crane thought he would not come out of it. Then slowly bit by bit he did recover enough to wonder what on earth was he going to do now. For he knew some thing like a miracle had happened to him, but he had no idea of what it actually was. Seven weeks later he got up out of bed and walked out in to the yard and to the sunshine of the day smiling generously to every thing of God’s creation around him. He was in love so totally with every thing of God’s creation that nothing else mattered to him from that time on.
Three days later he walked away from all of his old life, with never a look back: he was through with his past and he knew it, and there was no use hanging around trying to sort it all out. And for the next three years he wondered from town to town, and state to state doing odd jobs here and there and some welding and sheet metal work as well. He learned to smile with out any kind of neither rancour nor sourness in him. His smiles were genuine and his manner had improved and his wardrobe improved from his flashy and expensive suits, to normal day clothes and work cloths, boots and shoes. He even bought him self a second hand car an old Worsley and had cut his hair short and shaved often. His old self was completely gone. And his new self was as if the old man never had been. Along the way he met two blokes who were to be his closest friends from that time on. One was Malcolm ‘Potman’ Alchinn who was a very astute barman and cellar man (an Aborigine elder from W.A.), and the other was Robert ‘Pourparler’ Paull, who loved anything to do with political conversations (a candy and balloon party hire man), for he could hold his own in any company.
Between them both they alternated between them on how to educate and civilize their new mate, who they could see had plenty of rough edges to him which needed smoothing off, if he was to mix in well with every one else in a godly society. They had their work cut out for them and they knew it, and it was often a great joke between the lot of them, on his progress to date every month or so. As they moved around W.A. and the upper parts of the N.T. and the far north west Queensland on station after station, Billy tanned and fattened out and slowly toughened up to this new life in many an unexpected way and much to Mal and Bob’s expectations for him. He became a lean hard working Stockman, and his speech developed an eloquence equaling the best lawyers in the nation at that time. His manners improved out of sight as did his courtesy towards his fellow man and woman and child. He also learned from Mal how to see the many ways in which he had caused hurt and harm to any ones peace of mind and heart. It appalled him to see himself in this way, but with a new sense of wanting to be better than he had been, he learned how to see how he was about to tell a lie to get his own way and how to stop himself, and how to see how he was setting himself up to bring himself down with manners and actions and body language that was threatening to every one even with out his conscious awareness he had been about to do so.
He knew just how hard his new life was being for him, and how much he had changed over the last seven years since he walked out on his gang and his old life with complete abandon.
Yes, that was it, he had totally abandoned his old life to heel and beyond, and now he was living in this new life, that he some how thought that God had given him to grow up in. But these were still as yet vague shadows on the perimeter of his conscious awareness; and he knew that his new friends Mal and Bob, were heaven sent angels (rough as they were in them selves), to educate him in all matters pertaining to living in the world as he was supposed to have been dong from early childhood. Mal and Bob had decided early on in their meetings with Billy, that here was a raw material with which they could mould a man to fit the world around them. They often talked between them selves when ever Billy was on the other side of the range rounding up some mustangs and wayward cows, on just who might Billy be and what might he had once been, for there were marks on Billy that left a man wondering, and they were not so much his actual body scars from his previous fights and life, but the deeper ingrained marks of a once bitter and hard cruel life. Each time this subject came up between them, they both knew not to ask Bill about it, knowing that it was up to him, to speak about it or not. Their job as they saw it, was to just be his friend and mentors, as best they knew how, from their own experiences and knowledge and understanding. What they both knew was, that he was clinging to them as a drowning man would to a life belt thrown over him from a rescue ship close enough to be of help. He was hanging on for dear life and they knew it deep with in them. It was never mentioned amongst them, but it was understood to be so none the less.
The past seven years were great years for Bill and his friends as they moves around the top end of Australia. And Bill had learned how to save much of his wages and how to have a dream and to work toward it slowly, one day at a time. He also learned how to smile and how to cry, for he had cried a lot in the first three years of his teaming up with Mal and Bob, and of how they taught him how to feel the various feelings that would swell up with in him by the hour for all of those first three years of being a roust-a-about working team, across the top end. He learned from Mal how to hunt Kangaroo, and Buffalo and even Crocodile and then off the coast at crab fishing from crab fishing boats for two seasons. He learned how to be honest with his dealings with every one around him, and how to be genuine as well. Not to be grudging in any way, nor to belittle anyone from a politician to a police-man to a banker, to a lawyer, to a salesman to a farmer and so on. And when it came to institutions and principles and religion he was to hold his opinions in reserve till he had met with folks from those walks of life and got to know them well enough to see for himself just how human every one around him actually were. And then he met Penelope ‘Thither’ Thompson who was a gracious and modest Christian lady, just three years younger than himself. Thither was a nick name from her parents because she was always going hither and thither without thought of as to why, and she was always doing some thing hither and thither without knowing why. Thither, came from a split family back ground and had married an alkie, who had bashed her frequently and after seven years she had given birth to a son and a daughter, and had left him just six months after her daughter was born. She had moved several times to try to start over and when in her mid thirties, God had brought her to her knees and had answered her cry for help and had given her his full blessing and pardon, and filled her with His Holy Ghost, completing the transformation in a truly Protestant Reformed Christian Church (Presbyterian), for fifteen years before she had decided to move to Darwin.
It was in Darwin and while she was working with the local Aborigine families which were also affected with either an alcoholic mother or father, that she had been sent with a missionary group from the local Presbyterian Church in Darwin out to a village and camp in the Kimberley’s just seven miles from the Warren-Tine station and home stead; which was two hundred miles south by due east towards the Queensland border; that she first met Bill, as he came riding a great bronze tanned seventeen hands high mustang, into the compound near the holding pens for the ranch’s riding stock. Bill had just completed the round up and had come in for to change his mount for a fresh one, while Penelope was walking to the stock pen with the owner of the property Stan “Thropple” Tine, to show her the range of working saddle stock he had and how she could pick one for her self and her other Christian friends for when ever they decided to come in from the Laky Camp where the Aborigine tribal band lived and worked from. As Stan was about to suggest to her to go in for lunch with him and his wife and children (all teenagers by now), they turned to see who it was who was riding in to the station. It was at that moment that their eyes met across a distance of seventy yards, and some thing like a huge back kick from a spooky stud in a stall would normally deliver to a new comer to the stalls and nearly kill him, hit Bill and Penelope in their hearts at the same time. Both came erect at the same instant, and their chins lifted higher than normal and then a welcoming smile crept across each of their faces as the distance closed to just a few yards, in a minute. It was Stan who did the introductions and it was all they could do and say to say “hello” to each other, for their eyes held each other so transfixed together and for Billy to dismount and walk the few feet to put out his hand to Penelope in a arm but firm handshake; and he was also very surprised when she returned it with equal firmness and sincerity.
Ten minutes later they were all in the house at the kitchen table talking so easily and rapidly, that no one saw the time spread across the afternoon sky, till mid after noon clouds and shadows entered the lounge room bay windows, and Bill was about to apologize so profusely that Stan got up and got on the radio to let Mal and Bob know that Bill was going to be back a bit later on, and to keep on going till he got there to help out. And that was that. Bill never left the ranch house till after dinner that night. And it was Stan and his wife who drove Penelope back to the Laky camp by eight p.m. And it was a very shy and blushing Bill who came under the not so scowling scrutiny of Mal and Bob that night. By day light though they were all out in the ranges once more doing what roust-a-bouts normally do best. With one exception, they had to lay a new sight line for a better access road across to the Laky camp twenty miles south west of the home stead and another line to the main road thirty miles to the south east of the home stead. This was going to take at least three months, but it had to be done before the wet season came in over the Rockies (Kimberley’s). It was all Mal and Bob could do to keep Bill from going off on a wild goose chase and end up in the Laky camp area to see Penelope with one excuse after another. So they had devised a plan where by he was always working along side one of them, all of the time for the next three months. And it was only on week ends that they returned back to the spread, for a rest and a few catch up chores around the place.
It was Bill’s skill in fitter and turning and welding that kept him back at the spread more often; but even that had to be put off at times to finish the laying out of a new line and routes for easier access to the main compound of the station. So it was that while they were all out on the range that Bill got his education in how to have a woman as a woman and as a friend, and especially as a Christian lady and friend, from Mal and Bob, and how to be a friend to her in return. Bill was so queasy about all of this stuff, that he was always complaining about how bloody hard it all was, and that no one went to such lengths with any sort of woman, and that it was unfair to ask him to change that much just for any woman; his moods flared up a hundred times a day and twice as much at night as his education at the hands of Mal and Bob calmly continued. They were so afraid that they were pushing him to far ahead of himself too often, and that he was more than likely to just up sticks and digs and be out of there in an instant, that they often held their own tempers in check a lot of the time, over his persistent whinging.
They had no idea just how deep Bill was, but what they did know was that Bill seemed to be hanging in there despite himself. And bit by bit, as his affections grew for Penelope and hers for him, he was learning how to get his emotions under a more firmer and more secure control that he had ever known before was possible. And bit by bit as each week end came and went that Stan and his wife Evelyn saw the deepening affections welling up between the two of them, and how much Bill was changing in to a very uncommon man of depth and fortitude. But they kept these thoughts and insights to them selves for the time being; for one never knew how these things would turn out, even though the likely hood was, that it would build into a full blossoming love affair and even marriage. The only thing was the time factor, the when; for they knew that in a few more months, it would be time for Penelope and her Christian friends to move back to Darwin for the remainder of the year.
Two months into this new life experience between Bill and Penelope, Bill and Mal and Bob were out on the new access road they were measuring and marking out, some seventy miles from the home stead, and night was closing in on every one; that bill called a halt to the days proceedings and waved them all back to camp, just up the hill to the left side of the road. As they all got in to camp, Bill called to Mal and Bob and said “Fellas, I just can’t go on like this – I’m in a hell’uv a fix over Pen’ and I don’t know what to do about it.” His head was hanging on to his chest and his eyes were filling with tars with every word spoken, and he sank down on his haunches crying from deep down with in him, in great tears like sheets of slanting rain, blinding him and draining him so fully, he was left too weak to pick him self up. Mal reached him first and simply sat next to him, as Bob sat down on the other side, and they just let him talk it out and to cry it out for as long as it lasted. Tucker was forgotten for the time being, bit it was Bob who remembered to put the fire on and to set the camp to rights for the night before every one went to be. They put Bill on his pad close to midnight totally exhausted. He slept the night through till lunch time when Bob walked over to him and woke him up with a hot ‘cuppa’ of black tea. And Mal had put on some steaks, eggs and bacon and potatoes, with plenty of dough bread to wipe it all up when required.
No work was done that day, nor that night, nor the next one either, as Bill was just not up to it. So every one just lazed around and did what ever came to mind, and that was that. By Friday morning breakfast Bill came out of his morose somber state and a smile began to work its way over and across his face. Mal was the first one to notice as Bob was just coming in to camp from catching some lizards for lunch, when Mal motioned to Bob to notice as well: mal got up from the fire and walked over to him and asked “what’sa matter mate - every thin a’right width ya?” (which was the typical slang of Mal when ever he fretted over Bill or any one and thing he cared about). Bill looked up and said to Mal (just as Bob came close as well), I’m scared Bob, Mal, as the fight seems to have gone out of me, and I feel some how empty or may be alright at the same time, and I don’t know how to figure it out – am I coward or some thin? I wish you would tell me what it is that has happened to me, caws’ I can’t figure it, m’self” (which was the first time in seven years that Bill had reverted to type into his old lingo). Well neither could say nawt’ at the moment, but it was Bob who went for the coffee pot, and poured out tree strong black cuppa’s for them all, and brought them back to where Bill and Mal were sitting, on the need of his pad, facing the morning sun as it was splashing its wondrous glow while it was creeping ever so slowly over the south east Rockies peaks.
By ten a.m. Mal and Bob had walked away from Bill to discuss the problem at hand, knowing that Bill needed an answer straight away before they did anything else; and as they talked about it, Bill came over to them with a Bible in his hands, and was pondering as he was walking towards them on a passage in the New Testament in the book of Matthew chapter five, and as his eyes glanced down the page (for it was in the Old English style of the Authorized King James Bible), he was brought up sharp when he reached the part that said “blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” and then down to “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.” As he got to them he asked them “What does it mean to be poor in spirit and to be meek at the same time?” Well they were both taken back by this sudden development, and said so. Then it was Mal’s idea to shelve the question till they got back to the ‘stead, and ask Stan and Evelyn who were also Christian as Penelope was.
So they got back to work for the rest of the day and decided to ride through the night to be back for the late dinner for the hands back at the ‘stead. It was amazing how much work they actually got done over the rest of that day and late evening before the rode into the ‘stead main’s ground; from there they went and unsaddled and brushed their mounts with straw and dried the sweat off of them with towels and put them in the stalls and put blankets over them to stop them from getting chilled through the night; and from there they walked over to the house, where Stan and Evelyn were waiting for them; and they too were amazed to see Bill with a Bible in his hands, and before he could take over the whole night, Mal and Bob called him aside and asked him to let them talk to Stan and Evelyn first, before he put his question to them. Bill shrugged his shoulders made his apology to them and said he would be back for a chat with them soon. And he walked over to the bunk house and laid down on his bunk, and fell instantly to sleep the whole night long. As morning came up the cook rang out his warning alarm tones in the triangle to sound off the breakfast bell for every one to come and get it, or miss out.
There was eleven full time crew on the station with seventy more volunteers coming in from the bush as required come harvest and round up time, plus Bill, Mal and Bob. After breakfast Bill went to work around the harness and work shop sheds, doing his odd bits and pieces as usual, with out ever wondering about going to Stan to ask him his questions. But it was Stan who followed him around all day long, while keeping him under observation from the shadows and listening intently to his conversations with the other crew members during the day and early evening. It took Stan three days of taking note of Bill around the place before he called Bill in for a chat just after lunch time. Bill had not realized that Mal and bob had gone back to work on the access road and had left him behind; but it was what Stan had got them to do any way. As Bill sat down on the long and wide verandah of the ‘stead’s place, next to Stan, he noticed that Stan had a dictionary of some kind in his hands. It was an old looking book, but he put it down on the boards at his feet as Bill settled himself down in the rocker chair next to him. Stan said “Bill, I hear that you got a question or two about what does it mean to be poor in spirit and meekness at the same time?” Well Bill, I’ve been following you all the week end around and been listening to how you spoke and worked with the other crew, and I can tell you, that you displayed as good an example of a man who is poor in spirit and meek at the same time, as I’ve ever met in my whole life before now – I was just looking up the meaning of the two words individually, and the meaning is the same as each other, as far as I can tell. And you said to Bob and Mal that the fight has gone out of you, and yes I can tell you that I noticed it has too. And you said you thought you might be a coward because the idea of the fight having left you is leaving you worried and yet alright at the same time.” Well Bill how do you feel now? Do you still feel as if you’re a coward now, and do you feel more than just alright?” Bill said “well Stan, I got no idea, no wait, I feel some how better and more filled and more calmer than ever before, and no, I don’t feel like a coward at all. But the fight has gone out of me alright and it feels mighty queer, I can tell you that much.” “Well” said Stan, this fight that has left you is the sign that meekness has entered into you, and that this is producing the poorness of spirit with in you, or should I say it is developing the sense of being a novice in trying to turn to God and to want to trust in Him more fully than ever before – what can you tell me of your past bill? Or what would you like to tell me of your past Bill? because I think that God has made you over in to a full blooded and fully pardoned Christian and that this is just the beginning of your newest walk with God, as your friend, savior, mediator and justifier from now on, in love, mercy, charity, meekness, piety, justice and judgment in the name of Jesus Christ.”
Well Bill was stunned to silence for quite a while, and then drawing in a breath, he smiled at Stan and said “thanks Stan, I think I will take the time to tell you all about me and of my past till now, if you’ll just keep it between you and me?” Stan smiled and asked him “Can God be involved in this conversation as well Bill?” Bill smiled and laughed and then they walked away from the ‘stead for about three miles out to the north to the hillock close to the dam. It was there in the shadow of the hillock that bill told all from the womb to the tomb, and Stan listened on silent breaths and a solemness that deepened with every gritted word that came from between Bills lowly but firmly spoken words to him before God.
Your going to be alright mate says this Old Man.
Billy looked around at his friends from the alleys and lane ways of the docklands of Australia’s worse docklands area in over one hundred years. He looked up at them with faint amusement, not really knowing what to say or do: Billy was the proclaimed leader of this rag tail, jerry built, glum lot. They came from every where and were numbered about one hundred of the worst type of thieves pick pockets, robbers, murderers, prostitutes, doll men, rapists and liars in Melbourne. If it was not nailed down or owned securely it was lifted any way they could get it. Crane Emery was a long necked wading sort of a fellow, tall and thin, with shoulder length untidy rusty brown hair, blue eyed devil. He was Billy double man, and every one could rely absolutely on him for anything dealing with information from any source. Cow-leech Miller had spent most of his time on the farms of out back New South Wales as did his parents before him, but with his restless ways he wondered into crime just as he finished his doctorate degree in cow husbandry. His was a case of mistaken identity, over the chief surgeons daughter. So he fled the city life and ended up in Billy’s gang and became a very dangerous man indeed. Crambo Watson was Billy’s woman from the moment he found her abandoned on the pier at West Swanson dock ten years earlier (she was just eleven years old at the time). She had a nack of hearing a word or a name of a city and straight away she could put a tune or rhyme to it with in seconds, but she also helped get a lot of young girls for the gangs boys to be their women as well. And in turn they became great pick pockets and forgers. Billy himself was an educated young man before he took to crime due to a severe streak of hatred against God and anything to do with that God thing. He had been a good fitter and turner when a fight with his foreman and boss placed him in front of the police and the courts at twenty one, in which he had stabbed them almost to death in what he described as self defence: But he had already sized them up for a fight the year before because they were self professing Christians and he hated any one connected with God. The judges agreed with the eye witness reports that he had instigated every thing over a long period of time and was sentenced eleven years prison for attempted murder. When he came out he went to work on the docks and was immediately received into their midst readily enough and soon he had seen the advantages of setting up a ring of ‘Lifters” from the docks and from there it was not long before other crimes were on the cards for the lot of them. He was known for putting on a good ‘Foy’ for his gang after a rich haul had netted them thousands of dollars a Lift. Over the years he was seldom caught and always had an alibi for where he was on each occasion of a Lift.
The local mafia left him alone for about ten years, but as his gang grew they became very much interested in having a percentage of his takes. Which caused him no ends of fights with their toughs. One such was ‘Fougasse’ the Italian, who was well known for setting up small cave-in’s and landslides from gun powder charges. He was most famous for his dirty fighting with any kind of weapon. The night they met for a show down it was a rainy cold Melbourne wintry night, out side the Seaman’s Mission. They ahd been looking for each other for three days and then just as they turned the corner of the building they bumped into each other and instantly it was on.
Knives came out and flashed in the night. Both were severely injured with ‘Fougasse’ dying seven days later; leaving Billy with three stab wounds and cuts across his chest, left leg, and hip, and arm. It was a close call, but Billy survived to be the victor.
Several of these fights over the next seventeen years had left Billy with several scars on his body and with quite a lot of stitches as well. But most of all the toll was telling on Billy and he knew it. But he could not quit either and so he went on and eventually the booze began to take a hold on him in his mid forties, and by the time he was fifty, he knew he was licked. No one needed to tell him he was finished as far as the booze was concerned. His once shrewd and calculating mind had begun to falter and his heart for the game had recently deserted him. He was lost, beat and helpless and he couldn’t tell anyone; his once great skill for being the ‘Parget’ over locker and cover man, and his skill with a rope or chain, known around the docks as a ‘Parral’ for preventing yards and gaffs from slipping from the mast by various yeoman’s knots was legendry had slowly left him as the years marched on. He could hang a man or a dog or a bird on the wing in seconds with his skills: But no longer.
This night he was alone, in his squat with just his memories. Every one else was on the town and doing the rounds, and keeping to themselves for fear that the topic of succession for Billy might spill from some ones lips accidentally; and put every thing out in the open for all to see. And no one wanted to do that; not to Billy. But every one knew it had to come out sooner or later, but how. Billy closed his windows and drew the curtains across them one more time, as the fear in him mounted. His legs were trembling constantly now and his hands and chin shook uncontrollably and his eyes were growing wilder with fear with each mounting second. What could he do, and how could he pull himself together. As midnight approached he fell into a panic which nothing could pull him out of, even if they were with him, which no one was. He was ringing wet with sweat as midnight came and went. He was flat on his back on the floor next to the couch twitching with every muscle. The electric fleas had hit him with a vengeance, and the room twirled around and around and had turned into a black hole before his eyes into which he was being sucked into with every second. His time had truly come and he knew it.
As he entered the black hole he gave up the ghost, and breathed his last breath, and died. And as his body entered into death his soul flew out of the black hole and cried out unto heaven “God help me, I can’t go on, I need help.”In an instant there came a reply from out of the deep, out of the shadow of death. Many voices cried out to him “Its o.k. your alright, and you are here with us, and it is alright,” but his soul cried out “Shut up – If there is such a thing as God, then he is the only one I want to hear,” but those voices from out of the shadow of death grew and grew in number and in loudness “Your alright now, you need not go on, you can stay with us, and we welcome you,” but again his soul cried out “shut up – if there is some one called God then his voice is the only one I want to hear,” but he was challenged a third time and again a third time he said “shut up –the only voice I want to hear is God’s.” Then a strong and firm voice )not loud though, spoke out to him, from out side of the darkness of death “I am here, here I am,” but he was scared and he cried out “shut up – the only voice I want to hear is God’s,” and again the voice of God said “Here I am, I am here,” and a third time he said “shut up – the only voice I want to hear is God’s,” and then in an instant he felt the presence of God next to him in the darkness and his spoke to Billy saying “I am here, here I am,” and Billy suddenly felt alright and he reached out and took the hand of God and was brought out of the shadow of death and into heaven and there he was fitted with a new body and was brought before the presence of God, for a reckoning. He stood before God with fear and trembling and God showed him all of his old life and then asked him “What have you to say for your self?” and then he knew he was on the matt and being judged and that he was guilty of having committed every crime under heaven against God and His Word and against every living thing upon the earth. What could he say, he was guilty as charged and he knew it, nor could he invent any kind of a lie, because even that would have been known to God before he even thought of trying to do so.
What could he say, was on his mind even as he knew he was guilty as charged, and as he was about to say so to God, God asked him “If you could go back and repair the damage of the past, would you want to?”…he was asked this question three times and each time he knew it was hopeless and useless to even consider such a thing, and on the third time he was questioned he suddenly thought to himself ‘if I could go back and repair the damage of the past would I want to?’ and the answer came to him with a sudden “Yes, I would want to” but it is too late for I am on the matt and being judged and was guilty of every crime under heaven. As he turned to God with his answer in his heart, and soul, he turned to God and said “I am guilty of having committed every crime under heaven and thou can do with me as thou wilt, it is alright with me.”
Suddenly he was back in his room in his body next to the couch, and the night had turned into day; early morning in fact was now dawning upon the early morning sky. As he went down stairs and into his back yard he stepped from the shadow of the building, and into the sunlight of the day, and as he so stepped he was suddenly caught and frozen as a stone mason statue as his feet were moulded into the ground solid. Then from out of heaven came a pouring out of a heavenly water which was poured into to him, which filled him fully from head to foot. It was a living water which both refreshed and renewed the body and spirit at the same time.
As seven o’ clock came around the gang dropped by to see how he was, never ever thinking that he was going to be better than alright. It was Crambo his woman who arrived first, found him in a collapsed heap next to the clothes line, fearing the worst had happened to him. And it was she who dragged him to the door step, when Crane and Cow-leech arrived to help her carry him in to the house and into bed. He was in bed two weeks in and out of consciousness, never really knowing who or what he was let alone what was happening to him and as to what had happened to him. On the fifteen day he came out of his shock and was just trying to sit up in bed when Crane walked in to see how he was, and helped him to sit up better in the bed, high up against the bed’s back board.
He was so weak and listless, that even Crane thought he would not come out of it. Then slowly bit by bit he did recover enough to wonder what on earth was he going to do now. For he knew some thing like a miracle had happened to him, but he had no idea of what it actually was. Seven weeks later he got up out of bed and walked out in to the yard and to the sunshine of the day smiling generously to every thing of God’s creation around him. He was in love so totally with every thing of God’s creation that nothing else mattered to him from that time on.
Three days later he walked away from all of his old life, with never a look back: he was through with his past and he knew it, and there was no use hanging around trying to sort it all out. And for the next three years he wondered from town to town, and state to state doing odd jobs here and there and some welding and sheet metal work as well. He learned to smile with out any kind of neither rancour nor sourness in him. His smiles were genuine and his manner had improved and his wardrobe improved from his flashy and expensive suits, to normal day clothes and work cloths, boots and shoes. He even bought him self a second hand car an old Worsley and had cut his hair short and shaved often. His old self was completely gone. And his new self was as if the old man never had been. Along the way he met two blokes who were to be his closest friends from that time on. One was Malcolm ‘Potman’ Alchinn who was a very astute barman and cellar man (an Aborigine elder from W.A.), and the other was Robert ‘Pourparler’ Paull, who loved anything to do with political conversations (a candy and balloon party hire man), for he could hold his own in any company.
Between them both they alternated between them on how to educate and civilize their new mate, who they could see had plenty of rough edges to him which needed smoothing off, if he was to mix in well with every one else in a godly society. They had their work cut out for them and they knew it, and it was often a great joke between the lot of them, on his progress to date every month or so. As they moved around W.A. and the upper parts of the N.T. and the far north west Queensland on station after station, Billy tanned and fattened out and slowly toughened up to this new life in many an unexpected way and much to Mal and Bob’s expectations for him. He became a lean hard working Stockman, and his speech developed an eloquence equaling the best lawyers in the nation at that time. His manners improved out of sight as did his courtesy towards his fellow man and woman and child. He also learned from Mal how to see the many ways in which he had caused hurt and harm to any ones peace of mind and heart. It appalled him to see himself in this way, but with a new sense of wanting to be better than he had been, he learned how to see how he was about to tell a lie to get his own way and how to stop himself, and how to see how he was setting himself up to bring himself down with manners and actions and body language that was threatening to every one even with out his conscious awareness he had been about to do so.
He knew just how hard his new life was being for him, and how much he had changed over the last seven years since he walked out on his gang and his old life with complete abandon.
Yes, that was it, he had totally abandoned his old life to heel and beyond, and now he was living in this new life, that he some how thought that God had given him to grow up in. But these were still as yet vague shadows on the perimeter of his conscious awareness; and he knew that his new friends Mal and Bob, were heaven sent angels (rough as they were in them selves), to educate him in all matters pertaining to living in the world as he was supposed to have been dong from early childhood. Mal and Bob had decided early on in their meetings with Billy, that here was a raw material with which they could mould a man to fit the world around them. They often talked between them selves when ever Billy was on the other side of the range rounding up some mustangs and wayward cows, on just who might Billy be and what might he had once been, for there were marks on Billy that left a man wondering, and they were not so much his actual body scars from his previous fights and life, but the deeper ingrained marks of a once bitter and hard cruel life. Each time this subject came up between them, they both knew not to ask Bill about it, knowing that it was up to him, to speak about it or not. Their job as they saw it, was to just be his friend and mentors, as best they knew how, from their own experiences and knowledge and understanding. What they both knew was, that he was clinging to them as a drowning man would to a life belt thrown over him from a rescue ship close enough to be of help. He was hanging on for dear life and they knew it deep with in them. It was never mentioned amongst them, but it was understood to be so none the less.
The past seven years were great years for Bill and his friends as they moves around the top end of Australia. And Bill had learned how to save much of his wages and how to have a dream and to work toward it slowly, one day at a time. He also learned how to smile and how to cry, for he had cried a lot in the first three years of his teaming up with Mal and Bob, and of how they taught him how to feel the various feelings that would swell up with in him by the hour for all of those first three years of being a roust-a-about working team, across the top end. He learned from Mal how to hunt Kangaroo, and Buffalo and even Crocodile and then off the coast at crab fishing from crab fishing boats for two seasons. He learned how to be honest with his dealings with every one around him, and how to be genuine as well. Not to be grudging in any way, nor to belittle anyone from a politician to a police-man to a banker, to a lawyer, to a salesman to a farmer and so on. And when it came to institutions and principles and religion he was to hold his opinions in reserve till he had met with folks from those walks of life and got to know them well enough to see for himself just how human every one around him actually were. And then he met Penelope ‘Thither’ Thompson who was a gracious and modest Christian lady, just three years younger than himself. Thither was a nick name from her parents because she was always going hither and thither without thought of as to why, and she was always doing some thing hither and thither without knowing why. Thither, came from a split family back ground and had married an alkie, who had bashed her frequently and after seven years she had given birth to a son and a daughter, and had left him just six months after her daughter was born. She had moved several times to try to start over and when in her mid thirties, God had brought her to her knees and had answered her cry for help and had given her his full blessing and pardon, and filled her with His Holy Ghost, completing the transformation in a truly Protestant Reformed Christian Church (Presbyterian), for fifteen years before she had decided to move to Darwin.
It was in Darwin and while she was working with the local Aborigine families which were also affected with either an alcoholic mother or father, that she had been sent with a missionary group from the local Presbyterian Church in Darwin out to a village and camp in the Kimberley’s just seven miles from the Warren-Tine station and home stead; which was two hundred miles south by due east towards the Queensland border; that she first met Bill, as he came riding a great bronze tanned seventeen hands high mustang, into the compound near the holding pens for the ranch’s riding stock. Bill had just completed the round up and had come in for to change his mount for a fresh one, while Penelope was walking to the stock pen with the owner of the property Stan “Thropple” Tine, to show her the range of working saddle stock he had and how she could pick one for her self and her other Christian friends for when ever they decided to come in from the Laky Camp where the Aborigine tribal band lived and worked from. As Stan was about to suggest to her to go in for lunch with him and his wife and children (all teenagers by now), they turned to see who it was who was riding in to the station. It was at that moment that their eyes met across a distance of seventy yards, and some thing like a huge back kick from a spooky stud in a stall would normally deliver to a new comer to the stalls and nearly kill him, hit Bill and Penelope in their hearts at the same time. Both came erect at the same instant, and their chins lifted higher than normal and then a welcoming smile crept across each of their faces as the distance closed to just a few yards, in a minute. It was Stan who did the introductions and it was all they could do and say to say “hello” to each other, for their eyes held each other so transfixed together and for Billy to dismount and walk the few feet to put out his hand to Penelope in a arm but firm handshake; and he was also very surprised when she returned it with equal firmness and sincerity.
Ten minutes later they were all in the house at the kitchen table talking so easily and rapidly, that no one saw the time spread across the afternoon sky, till mid after noon clouds and shadows entered the lounge room bay windows, and Bill was about to apologize so profusely that Stan got up and got on the radio to let Mal and Bob know that Bill was going to be back a bit later on, and to keep on going till he got there to help out. And that was that. Bill never left the ranch house till after dinner that night. And it was Stan and his wife who drove Penelope back to the Laky camp by eight p.m. And it was a very shy and blushing Bill who came under the not so scowling scrutiny of Mal and Bob that night. By day light though they were all out in the ranges once more doing what roust-a-bouts normally do best. With one exception, they had to lay a new sight line for a better access road across to the Laky camp twenty miles south west of the home stead and another line to the main road thirty miles to the south east of the home stead. This was going to take at least three months, but it had to be done before the wet season came in over the Rockies (Kimberley’s). It was all Mal and Bob could do to keep Bill from going off on a wild goose chase and end up in the Laky camp area to see Penelope with one excuse after another. So they had devised a plan where by he was always working along side one of them, all of the time for the next three months. And it was only on week ends that they returned back to the spread, for a rest and a few catch up chores around the place.
It was Bill’s skill in fitter and turning and welding that kept him back at the spread more often; but even that had to be put off at times to finish the laying out of a new line and routes for easier access to the main compound of the station. So it was that while they were all out on the range that Bill got his education in how to have a woman as a woman and as a friend, and especially as a Christian lady and friend, from Mal and Bob, and how to be a friend to her in return. Bill was so queasy about all of this stuff, that he was always complaining about how bloody hard it all was, and that no one went to such lengths with any sort of woman, and that it was unfair to ask him to change that much just for any woman; his moods flared up a hundred times a day and twice as much at night as his education at the hands of Mal and Bob calmly continued. They were so afraid that they were pushing him to far ahead of himself too often, and that he was more than likely to just up sticks and digs and be out of there in an instant, that they often held their own tempers in check a lot of the time, over his persistent whinging.
They had no idea just how deep Bill was, but what they did know was that Bill seemed to be hanging in there despite himself. And bit by bit, as his affections grew for Penelope and hers for him, he was learning how to get his emotions under a more firmer and more secure control that he had ever known before was possible. And bit by bit as each week end came and went that Stan and his wife Evelyn saw the deepening affections welling up between the two of them, and how much Bill was changing in to a very uncommon man of depth and fortitude. But they kept these thoughts and insights to them selves for the time being; for one never knew how these things would turn out, even though the likely hood was, that it would build into a full blossoming love affair and even marriage. The only thing was the time factor, the when; for they knew that in a few more months, it would be time for Penelope and her Christian friends to move back to Darwin for the remainder of the year.
Two months into this new life experience between Bill and Penelope, Bill and Mal and Bob were out on the new access road they were measuring and marking out, some seventy miles from the home stead, and night was closing in on every one; that bill called a halt to the days proceedings and waved them all back to camp, just up the hill to the left side of the road. As they all got in to camp, Bill called to Mal and Bob and said “Fellas, I just can’t go on like this – I’m in a hell’uv a fix over Pen’ and I don’t know what to do about it.” His head was hanging on to his chest and his eyes were filling with tars with every word spoken, and he sank down on his haunches crying from deep down with in him, in great tears like sheets of slanting rain, blinding him and draining him so fully, he was left too weak to pick him self up. Mal reached him first and simply sat next to him, as Bob sat down on the other side, and they just let him talk it out and to cry it out for as long as it lasted. Tucker was forgotten for the time being, bit it was Bob who remembered to put the fire on and to set the camp to rights for the night before every one went to be. They put Bill on his pad close to midnight totally exhausted. He slept the night through till lunch time when Bob walked over to him and woke him up with a hot ‘cuppa’ of black tea. And Mal had put on some steaks, eggs and bacon and potatoes, with plenty of dough bread to wipe it all up when required.
No work was done that day, nor that night, nor the next one either, as Bill was just not up to it. So every one just lazed around and did what ever came to mind, and that was that. By Friday morning breakfast Bill came out of his morose somber state and a smile began to work its way over and across his face. Mal was the first one to notice as Bob was just coming in to camp from catching some lizards for lunch, when Mal motioned to Bob to notice as well: mal got up from the fire and walked over to him and asked “what’sa matter mate - every thin a’right width ya?” (which was the typical slang of Mal when ever he fretted over Bill or any one and thing he cared about). Bill looked up and said to Mal (just as Bob came close as well), I’m scared Bob, Mal, as the fight seems to have gone out of me, and I feel some how empty or may be alright at the same time, and I don’t know how to figure it out – am I coward or some thin? I wish you would tell me what it is that has happened to me, caws’ I can’t figure it, m’self” (which was the first time in seven years that Bill had reverted to type into his old lingo). Well neither could say nawt’ at the moment, but it was Bob who went for the coffee pot, and poured out tree strong black cuppa’s for them all, and brought them back to where Bill and Mal were sitting, on the need of his pad, facing the morning sun as it was splashing its wondrous glow while it was creeping ever so slowly over the south east Rockies peaks.
By ten a.m. Mal and Bob had walked away from Bill to discuss the problem at hand, knowing that Bill needed an answer straight away before they did anything else; and as they talked about it, Bill came over to them with a Bible in his hands, and was pondering as he was walking towards them on a passage in the New Testament in the book of Matthew chapter five, and as his eyes glanced down the page (for it was in the Old English style of the Authorized King James Bible), he was brought up sharp when he reached the part that said “blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” and then down to “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.” As he got to them he asked them “What does it mean to be poor in spirit and to be meek at the same time?” Well they were both taken back by this sudden development, and said so. Then it was Mal’s idea to shelve the question till they got back to the ‘stead, and ask Stan and Evelyn who were also Christian as Penelope was.
So they got back to work for the rest of the day and decided to ride through the night to be back for the late dinner for the hands back at the ‘stead. It was amazing how much work they actually got done over the rest of that day and late evening before the rode into the ‘stead main’s ground; from there they went and unsaddled and brushed their mounts with straw and dried the sweat off of them with towels and put them in the stalls and put blankets over them to stop them from getting chilled through the night; and from there they walked over to the house, where Stan and Evelyn were waiting for them; and they too were amazed to see Bill with a Bible in his hands, and before he could take over the whole night, Mal and Bob called him aside and asked him to let them talk to Stan and Evelyn first, before he put his question to them. Bill shrugged his shoulders made his apology to them and said he would be back for a chat with them soon. And he walked over to the bunk house and laid down on his bunk, and fell instantly to sleep the whole night long. As morning came up the cook rang out his warning alarm tones in the triangle to sound off the breakfast bell for every one to come and get it, or miss out.
There was eleven full time crew on the station with seventy more volunteers coming in from the bush as required come harvest and round up time, plus Bill, Mal and Bob. After breakfast Bill went to work around the harness and work shop sheds, doing his odd bits and pieces as usual, with out ever wondering about going to Stan to ask him his questions. But it was Stan who followed him around all day long, while keeping him under observation from the shadows and listening intently to his conversations with the other crew members during the day and early evening. It took Stan three days of taking note of Bill around the place before he called Bill in for a chat just after lunch time. Bill had not realized that Mal and bob had gone back to work on the access road and had left him behind; but it was what Stan had got them to do any way. As Bill sat down on the long and wide verandah of the ‘stead’s place, next to Stan, he noticed that Stan had a dictionary of some kind in his hands. It was an old looking book, but he put it down on the boards at his feet as Bill settled himself down in the rocker chair next to him. Stan said “Bill, I hear that you got a question or two about what does it mean to be poor in spirit and meekness at the same time?” Well Bill, I’ve been following you all the week end around and been listening to how you spoke and worked with the other crew, and I can tell you, that you displayed as good an example of a man who is poor in spirit and meek at the same time, as I’ve ever met in my whole life before now – I was just looking up the meaning of the two words individually, and the meaning is the same as each other, as far as I can tell. And you said to Bob and Mal that the fight has gone out of you, and yes I can tell you that I noticed it has too. And you said you thought you might be a coward because the idea of the fight having left you is leaving you worried and yet alright at the same time.” Well Bill how do you feel now? Do you still feel as if you’re a coward now, and do you feel more than just alright?” Bill said “well Stan, I got no idea, no wait, I feel some how better and more filled and more calmer than ever before, and no, I don’t feel like a coward at all. But the fight has gone out of me alright and it feels mighty queer, I can tell you that much.” “Well” said Stan, this fight that has left you is the sign that meekness has entered into you, and that this is producing the poorness of spirit with in you, or should I say it is developing the sense of being a novice in trying to turn to God and to want to trust in Him more fully than ever before – what can you tell me of your past bill? Or what would you like to tell me of your past Bill? because I think that God has made you over in to a full blooded and fully pardoned Christian and that this is just the beginning of your newest walk with God, as your friend, savior, mediator and justifier from now on, in love, mercy, charity, meekness, piety, justice and judgment in the name of Jesus Christ.”
Well Bill was stunned to silence for quite a while, and then drawing in a breath, he smiled at Stan and said “thanks Stan, I think I will take the time to tell you all about me and of my past till now, if you’ll just keep it between you and me?” Stan smiled and asked him “Can God be involved in this conversation as well Bill?” Bill smiled and laughed and then they walked away from the ‘stead for about three miles out to the north to the hillock close to the dam. It was there in the shadow of the hillock that bill told all from the womb to the tomb, and Stan listened on silent breaths and a solemness that deepened with every gritted word that came from between Bills lowly but firmly spoken words to him before God.
Your going to be alright mate says this Old Man.
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