The Six Week Diet
April 12th 2008 03:04
Like any well thought out dietary plan there is a lot to consider as to what the over out comes do you want to have for your self; ie: do you want to lose weight off of your stomach, or your thighs, or your waist or off of you chest and so on. And depending on the type of diet such as living on frogs from now on; for there is no such thing these days as a half measure, either it is all or it is nothing doing. And there is no place on this earth or in the universe where ever we travel to, that will not require us to go on some sort of a diet. And yet there are those professionals in the dietary business that say that you can eat all you want and still take off of the calories, and become the real you. Which is after all, all you’ve ever wanted to be isn’t it….smile.
Well today I have found the most unusual diet ever, and it can be repeated every six weeks from now on, as it absolutely works. No matter how you view it, there is no other diet like it ….Ah,Ah,Ah,Ah,Ah…no son…Arrgh Mum….No, touch not son. And when ever you turn around you can see for your self that practically every one around you should be on this diet as well……Now there there daughter…..Arrgh Mum….No, touch not. Now where can you find a diet that requires you to only take it for six weeks at a time and with guaranteed results? Well if I had of been on the Moon I would never have been so confounded as I am today. Darling! No, No, No…Arrrgh darling, sweetheart…No, touch not….smile.
Most of us would know that the reason we eat our selves to in to little piglets and in to large scale Hoggs (my word for hogs), most of the time or starve our selves to death, is simply due to anger and frustration, and most of us would know that the result of why we are being angry and frustrated is because some one some where right now, is not doing our bidding, whether they realize it or not. I mean after all, can’t they see that they are not listening to me, even when I am trying to send them silent body language messages, enough to interpret them to mean, Hey You, can’t you see, I want you to do things my way? I mean c’mon? lets face it, after all you do make a lot of claims of being a great mind reader…smile…Sis’ No, if you do that I am gong to tell mum and dad…arrgh gee whizzzz, you fink. No, touch not…smile.
I am honestly amazed at the fact that I can see that practically every one around me doing it every day and seldom realizing it for them selves. I wonder why no one else has never discovered this for them selves? Oh! Well, at least I can patent this one and make a fortune from it. Gee I’m and genious…smile.. Excuse me, I wish you would not do that? What do you want? Who are you to tell me off for any thing, your not my dad, nor mum, nor a policeman, nor a judge…AH, AH,AH…I wouldn’t do that if I was you…Arrgh get lost frigid. No! that is not even close to a diet, so touch not.
Whew, I am glad he kept going, or else I would have been snotted by now, and on my bum. Oh Miss can you please stop that…don’t you know it is wrong for even a young woman like your self to be doing that?…smile..Arrgh …wrack off stupid; You old fart; leave well enough alone, why don’t ya.
What type of diet do you want to have for your self? and what do you want it to do for you? Well what would you say to a diet that is absolutely free and that it costs nothing at all except just a bit of daily faith, that it is a part of God’s plans for every one of us to be on some kind of a diet? And that it is even more imperative that you all get on this one. And yet there is no magic tricks to doing it, nor to following it day by day, for six weeks at a time. I want to ask you, can you stop doing it for just six weeks at a time, and watch the benefits that you will be rewarded with at the end of each day for those six weeks? Well can ya? Or what? Or are you one of those that always fail at staying on a diet? Well let me guarantee you that this diet, is the one diet that you can stay with for just six weeks at a time and it requires the minimum of effort and just a smidgeon of faith in your self and in God.
Well I can explain it to you so very simply as to what you need to do and how and when to do it. But first I think I will explain that it was not just your fault, that you are the way you are today, but that of your parents and grandparents and every one else’s great, great, great, greats…all the way back to Adam and Eve and to Cain and Able, that started this all of. One diet is as good as another if you want it to work for you all of the time. Some go on vegetable diets, and some go on fish diets, and some go on cake diets, and some go on, biscuit diets, and so on. But this diet is far better than any one of the rest of them and it is absolutely free.
How ever if you want it to cost you a lot of money, say like three thousand dollars a week for the duration of those six weeks, with daily private tuition and mentoring, would that make you feel safer? that it is because of the very high cost of it, that really makes it worth while and will work for you? I know that’s how many people think of these things these days. Oh! Well if I must charge you anything, I think it will be the cost of a Brass Razoo (my spelling for it), which is the equivalent of an ounce of effort and a pinch of faith. Is that a high enough price for you to pay for a completely successful diet on a daily basis?…smile.
Now I am going to give you my version of Einstein’s theory of relativity – get ready here it is: and no stealing it for your selves, because I have thought of it first….smile. Here it is, did you know that the relative relationship for the reason as to why you are making your self sick to death in one way or another all of the time and not making your life any better is simply because you swear too bloody damned much.
Here is the diet I am going to get you to under take from now on.
Step One. Each morning before you wake up, pray to God, to stop your head from going off into all sorts of directions and dwelling upon many a familiar resentment mode (trying to find some with which to be pissed off with even before your eyes are open).
Step two. As you get up from your bed slide right down to your knees and ask God to help you keep a civil tongue in your head no matter what. Knowing that if there is nothing going wrong in your day, it means that your are not to go and make any dramas with anyone including yourself. For this day.
Step three. Before you reach under the bed or go crawling around the house for that first early morning shakes calmer (a drink of booze), crawl around for that glass or two of water. Because you never know if that next drink of booze will kill or not.
Step four. Before you plug in the jug for that first drink of tea or coffee have two glasses of cold water first, and then go for a luke warm to cold shower. And start your day off with a smile at yourself. Just as Abraham Lincoln once said: “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be, for that day.”
Step five. While on your knees say thank you to God for giving you another day’s worth of life, in which to get onto this diet in which you can adjust yourself to what is today, and not try to adjust every thing to suit yourself.
Step six. Get that shower in first and then say hello to every one even before they say hello to you, and enjoy that small breakfast (we don’t need a huge breakfast each morning as long as we have some that is enough) in good company as best you can.
Step seven. Don’t forget to say hello to your self in the mirror, either, as your not different from every one else. As we all suffer from an extreme case of uniqueness every day…smile; And exercise your soul in three ways without others knowing about it. Do that good turn and not swear at others nor even to yourself.
Step eight. Read books and magazines that do not include fads, rags, sexual immorality, nor nudity, nor the airing of some one else’s problems. You have enough of your own to keep you busy in your day…smile. In this way you can be even more tolerant of others even when they cannot.
Step nine. Say hello to friends instead of waging wars on every one around you inside of your head and heart (soul), all of the time. As there is always a part of the day in which you can have all by your self with God and between the both of you, your day will get better regardless of your attempts to stuff it up.
Step ten. Say hello to strangers on your way around the day, and especially to those of your work mates without taking their personal inventory for them…remembering that no day is ever too hard, nor too long nor task to difficult even for you.
Step eleven. There are a lot of do’s and don’ts in life and a lot of pitfalls from which you must avoid falling in to, and the easiest one for all of us is to not swear. So touch not, taste not, think not, say not, write not and do not. As being agreeable and dress becomingly takes very little effort on anyone’s part.
Step twelve. No one likes to hear your swearing nor want you to use such bad and vulgar language at any time, as most of us know it is a corruptor and a decayer of one’s soul and moral integrity, and if we become too engaged to its use then we will never stick on any kind of diet at all. And remember your swearing days are over no matter what, and that it is up to you to carry this message to every one around you that they too may be attracted in to not swearing either.
From here on in your not alone. You can relax and take things easy, but never rest on your laurels; For too long. As God and I and all of us will be their right next to you in grand fellowship with a smile on our dials as well. See ya.
At the end of the day, you can rest from work and play and thank God for helping you manage your self throughout this day without swearing. And at the end of these six weeks you will be surprised at how much you have gained in all areas of your life. And if you still
find it too difficult for you to stick to, then you need God’s help even more than ever. So six weeks at a time, a day at a time with just that smidgeon of trust and faith, and you will for ever be amongst the rest of us, as we trudge the road of a happier destiny, day by day.
All the best from The Old Man.
Well today I have found the most unusual diet ever, and it can be repeated every six weeks from now on, as it absolutely works. No matter how you view it, there is no other diet like it ….Ah,Ah,Ah,Ah,Ah…no son…Arrgh Mum….No, touch not son. And when ever you turn around you can see for your self that practically every one around you should be on this diet as well……Now there there daughter…..Arrgh Mum….No, touch not. Now where can you find a diet that requires you to only take it for six weeks at a time and with guaranteed results? Well if I had of been on the Moon I would never have been so confounded as I am today. Darling! No, No, No…Arrrgh darling, sweetheart…No, touch not….smile.
Most of us would know that the reason we eat our selves to in to little piglets and in to large scale Hoggs (my word for hogs), most of the time or starve our selves to death, is simply due to anger and frustration, and most of us would know that the result of why we are being angry and frustrated is because some one some where right now, is not doing our bidding, whether they realize it or not. I mean after all, can’t they see that they are not listening to me, even when I am trying to send them silent body language messages, enough to interpret them to mean, Hey You, can’t you see, I want you to do things my way? I mean c’mon? lets face it, after all you do make a lot of claims of being a great mind reader…smile…Sis’ No, if you do that I am gong to tell mum and dad…arrgh gee whizzzz, you fink. No, touch not…smile.
I am honestly amazed at the fact that I can see that practically every one around me doing it every day and seldom realizing it for them selves. I wonder why no one else has never discovered this for them selves? Oh! Well, at least I can patent this one and make a fortune from it. Gee I’m and genious…smile.. Excuse me, I wish you would not do that? What do you want? Who are you to tell me off for any thing, your not my dad, nor mum, nor a policeman, nor a judge…AH, AH,AH…I wouldn’t do that if I was you…Arrgh get lost frigid. No! that is not even close to a diet, so touch not.
Whew, I am glad he kept going, or else I would have been snotted by now, and on my bum. Oh Miss can you please stop that…don’t you know it is wrong for even a young woman like your self to be doing that?…smile..Arrgh …wrack off stupid; You old fart; leave well enough alone, why don’t ya.
What type of diet do you want to have for your self? and what do you want it to do for you? Well what would you say to a diet that is absolutely free and that it costs nothing at all except just a bit of daily faith, that it is a part of God’s plans for every one of us to be on some kind of a diet? And that it is even more imperative that you all get on this one. And yet there is no magic tricks to doing it, nor to following it day by day, for six weeks at a time. I want to ask you, can you stop doing it for just six weeks at a time, and watch the benefits that you will be rewarded with at the end of each day for those six weeks? Well can ya? Or what? Or are you one of those that always fail at staying on a diet? Well let me guarantee you that this diet, is the one diet that you can stay with for just six weeks at a time and it requires the minimum of effort and just a smidgeon of faith in your self and in God.
Well I can explain it to you so very simply as to what you need to do and how and when to do it. But first I think I will explain that it was not just your fault, that you are the way you are today, but that of your parents and grandparents and every one else’s great, great, great, greats…all the way back to Adam and Eve and to Cain and Able, that started this all of. One diet is as good as another if you want it to work for you all of the time. Some go on vegetable diets, and some go on fish diets, and some go on cake diets, and some go on, biscuit diets, and so on. But this diet is far better than any one of the rest of them and it is absolutely free.
How ever if you want it to cost you a lot of money, say like three thousand dollars a week for the duration of those six weeks, with daily private tuition and mentoring, would that make you feel safer? that it is because of the very high cost of it, that really makes it worth while and will work for you? I know that’s how many people think of these things these days. Oh! Well if I must charge you anything, I think it will be the cost of a Brass Razoo (my spelling for it), which is the equivalent of an ounce of effort and a pinch of faith. Is that a high enough price for you to pay for a completely successful diet on a daily basis?…smile.
Now I am going to give you my version of Einstein’s theory of relativity – get ready here it is: and no stealing it for your selves, because I have thought of it first….smile. Here it is, did you know that the relative relationship for the reason as to why you are making your self sick to death in one way or another all of the time and not making your life any better is simply because you swear too bloody damned much.
Here is the diet I am going to get you to under take from now on.
Step One. Each morning before you wake up, pray to God, to stop your head from going off into all sorts of directions and dwelling upon many a familiar resentment mode (trying to find some with which to be pissed off with even before your eyes are open).
Step two. As you get up from your bed slide right down to your knees and ask God to help you keep a civil tongue in your head no matter what. Knowing that if there is nothing going wrong in your day, it means that your are not to go and make any dramas with anyone including yourself. For this day.
Step three. Before you reach under the bed or go crawling around the house for that first early morning shakes calmer (a drink of booze), crawl around for that glass or two of water. Because you never know if that next drink of booze will kill or not.
Step four. Before you plug in the jug for that first drink of tea or coffee have two glasses of cold water first, and then go for a luke warm to cold shower. And start your day off with a smile at yourself. Just as Abraham Lincoln once said: “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be, for that day.”
Step five. While on your knees say thank you to God for giving you another day’s worth of life, in which to get onto this diet in which you can adjust yourself to what is today, and not try to adjust every thing to suit yourself.
Step six. Get that shower in first and then say hello to every one even before they say hello to you, and enjoy that small breakfast (we don’t need a huge breakfast each morning as long as we have some that is enough) in good company as best you can.
Step seven. Don’t forget to say hello to your self in the mirror, either, as your not different from every one else. As we all suffer from an extreme case of uniqueness every day…smile; And exercise your soul in three ways without others knowing about it. Do that good turn and not swear at others nor even to yourself.
Step eight. Read books and magazines that do not include fads, rags, sexual immorality, nor nudity, nor the airing of some one else’s problems. You have enough of your own to keep you busy in your day…smile. In this way you can be even more tolerant of others even when they cannot.
Step nine. Say hello to friends instead of waging wars on every one around you inside of your head and heart (soul), all of the time. As there is always a part of the day in which you can have all by your self with God and between the both of you, your day will get better regardless of your attempts to stuff it up.
Step ten. Say hello to strangers on your way around the day, and especially to those of your work mates without taking their personal inventory for them…remembering that no day is ever too hard, nor too long nor task to difficult even for you.
Step eleven. There are a lot of do’s and don’ts in life and a lot of pitfalls from which you must avoid falling in to, and the easiest one for all of us is to not swear. So touch not, taste not, think not, say not, write not and do not. As being agreeable and dress becomingly takes very little effort on anyone’s part.
Step twelve. No one likes to hear your swearing nor want you to use such bad and vulgar language at any time, as most of us know it is a corruptor and a decayer of one’s soul and moral integrity, and if we become too engaged to its use then we will never stick on any kind of diet at all. And remember your swearing days are over no matter what, and that it is up to you to carry this message to every one around you that they too may be attracted in to not swearing either.
From here on in your not alone. You can relax and take things easy, but never rest on your laurels; For too long. As God and I and all of us will be their right next to you in grand fellowship with a smile on our dials as well. See ya.
At the end of the day, you can rest from work and play and thank God for helping you manage your self throughout this day without swearing. And at the end of these six weeks you will be surprised at how much you have gained in all areas of your life. And if you still
find it too difficult for you to stick to, then you need God’s help even more than ever. So six weeks at a time, a day at a time with just that smidgeon of trust and faith, and you will for ever be amongst the rest of us, as we trudge the road of a happier destiny, day by day.
All the best from The Old Man.
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